Well this post has been delayed for quite some time, but here it is… Vegas. Vegas ,as you probably know, is this neon shit hole in the middle of the desert. My advice to truly seize Vegas and have a good experience, in an overpriced shit hole full of silicone tits is to go there with seven British drunkards… and do so in a penthouse.
The first night though we stayed at the Wild Wild West (the pool was used in the Hangover). On the ride over though my friend Nick got a call and the plan was to got to a “friend” of his house. This friend though, of course, was a stripper with a mansion and I had plans to meet up with another friend and said I didn’t want to go. Yeah, that didn’t fly. Long story short that didn’t work out we went separte ways in the night, and then I get that drunken phone call. Its Nick, shit went down and that was all I knew till I got back to the Wild Wild West. That was the longest walk of my life because Vegas does not believe in pedestrian friendly roads, but I arrive 3 hours late drenched in sweat to find out that Nick had a black eye and a busted lip and Joe had some cracked ribs. Miss a night, you miss a lot. These stooges fought some Aussies (by some I mean a lot. You should see the other guys, kinda thing I’m sure) after good Ol’ Doctor Simpson decided it was a good idea. Of course, Dr. Simpson escaped untouched.
This was just the start of a week of debauchery. Just pure rock star mentality. For some reason or another staying in penthouse room, made us worse, we all felt entitled to everything. But the first night at the penthouse started like any other night, with matchbox and other drinking games (actually a more accurate description would be drinking completions). After doing, so the mayhem began. Since we originally only having two days in the penthouse, we woke up on our “last night” all looking like our dog died, we wound up staying 3 extra nights there. Also since it was all a blur let’s talking about some highlights of the dunken shit fest of Vegas.
First Vegas hates guys if you want to go anywhere have tits (ei. a DeadMou5 show was $50 for girls, $200 for guys). So yeah I got into Club Moon nice view, but clubbing really isn’t for me and it’s hard to get drunk when you have to pay 11 bucks a drink. The best times were the drunken bromance moments at the penthouse or just wandering the streets late night in a drunken stumble.
Whether it was soliciting prostitution (I’ll negotiate with my dick!!) or prostitutes soliciting us (Hi, is Brenden there? On a daily basis). Joe telling the escorts they don’t know who they are messing with. People asking me where I got my accent from. Laughing a midgets being escorted by long-legged blondes. Eating food off other peoples room service trays (we actually found some very nice stuff). Wondering who took the Vodka from the Mini bar. Having slags over (some blowing one and then getting kissed by the other). Walking around in our penthouse robes (you better believe I nicked one). Hot tub drinking. Having an entourage (you heard the man). Drunken Street Drumming. Tribal Dances. Decapitations. Well… basically turning our room… wait I mean penthouse, into a war zone (instead of grenades and clips, it was beer cans and condoms. Well hopefully someone used them for something other than water balloons.)
This list could go on and on, but due to copious amounts of drinking, me taking forever to write this, and copious amounts of drinking, I’m going to let some pictures do some talking. Long story short, the stay in Vegas of fucking intense, but in the words of a simple man named Nick, on our last night in the penthouse, he looks at me quite sadly and says, “I don’t wanna go to sleep, then its over.”